Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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