I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
