Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
