my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
