you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
