hotel room ftw
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
