im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
