Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
