her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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