There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
