just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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