And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
