i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
