it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
