don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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