my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
