Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
