just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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