So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
