Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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