I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
