I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
