So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
