my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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