He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
