I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
