the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
