Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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