Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
