Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
