Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
