I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
