My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
