Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
