Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
