Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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