i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
