I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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