Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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