My first STD was from a foam party
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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