I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
