i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
