I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I died a long time ago.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
