Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize