you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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