I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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