Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
