Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
