Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
