Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
