you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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