guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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