last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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