When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
