dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
