I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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