I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
