Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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