i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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