the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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