Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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