good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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