Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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