Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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