We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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