guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
