If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
