Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
