I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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